aliasesaremymiddlename

Okay.
Admittedly, I've fallen off the face of this planet.
I cannot wait to complete this house and see the finished project. It's going to look beautiful.

this house is taking over my life.
i cannot wait till it's done. it's going to look so good!

I guess I've never felt so out of place.
Even at the once place I've always gone to to figure things out, just to think.

phone is back on!
yay.
now i have 6 days before they start calling me again.

Stay low...
Soft, dark, and dreamless
Far beneath my...
Nightmares and loneliness

I hate me
For breathing
Without you
I don't want to
Feel anymore for you

Grieving for you
I'm not grieving for you
Nothing real love can't undo
And though I may have lost my way
All paths lead straight to you

I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you

Halo
Blinding wall between us
Melt away and leave us alone again
Humming, haunted somewhere out there
I believe our love can see us through in death

I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
And I'm not grieving for you
I'm coming for you

You're not alone
No matter what they told you, you're not alone
I'll be right beside you forevermore

And as we lay in silent bliss
I know you remember me
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
And I'm not grieving for you
I'm coming for you...

that talk last night really helped me. i told him that i can't live like this anymore. but he said that we are lucky to not be in the hole as much as other people. and that's true.
also, to be able to design nine houses and create an amazing portfolio, that's pretty lucky too.

I HAVE TO STOP THINKING 2009 IS SO TERRIBLE!!!
things will get better. this is just a self-fulfilling prophecy.
things are already looking up.

i'm making a list of things
it'll be great because some day i'll be able to... do something with that

Um...
I would like to combine what I had my senior year of highschool and what I have now.
i would like. my two horses back. and my successfulness. the faith that people had in me. but if i went back in time... i wouldn't have certain people in my life.
so i'm making a list of things that i want. because. money buys happiness and 2009 fucking owes me!

i could really use a state fair cream puff

time to change my number
again

i get to design and rehab nine houses.
one of which gets to be our very own. our own house!
yay :)
x

this trip has been wild and crazy. definitely a learning experience but it was so nice traveling and not being the only responsible one.
doing all these countries in such a short time was... intense.
tomorrow will be the grande finale!
:D :D

THURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAYTHURSDAY
....
YES.

Ugh...
i can't eat, sleep, cry or even take a shit.
babs has been unbelievable lately. the point of us working together again was to make money but i truly do not see her being able to do such a thing. she has been incredibly reckless with the money she has made, it's very unlike her.
i wish i could just get another job right now. this was the worse time to plan a trip and there is definitely no time to postpone it.
what this all really feels like? is i'm being buried alive

Less than two weeks...
Thank. God.

Let's just stop,
drop everything,
(forget each other's names) forget each other's names,
And just walk away.

Turn around and head in different directions,
Like we never, it's like we never knew each other at all.
We said what we feel, then we stop ourselves,
And just walk away.
Never looking back,
Loving every second of it,
we just walk away.

This is probably the best,
not to mention the worst idea,
that I have ever had.

Ignoring what we've felt,
Overlooking what we've done,
No awkward silences, no hiding any truths
Ignoring what we've felt,
Overlooking what we've done,
What do you say?

This is probably the best,
not to mention the worst idea,
that I have ever had.

We say what we feel,
Then we stop ourselves,
And just walk away.
Never looking back,
Loving every second of it,
We just walk away.

Let's just stop,
Drop everything,
Forget each other's names,
Can we please just walk away?
It could be...It could be...
Like we never knew each other at all.

Answer me!
All egos aside, what do you say?
All egos aside, what do you say?

Ignoring what we've felt,
Overlooking what we've done,
No awkward silences, no hiding any truths
Ignoring what we've felt,
Overlooking what we've done,
What do you say?

We say what we feel,
Then we stop ourselves,
And just walk away.
Never looking back,
Loving every second of it,
We just walk away.

a couple years ago i thought the hardest thing was to let down my walls.
i was wrong.
it's building them back up

lonely...